9 Hard-Earned Truths That (I’m Glad) Live Rent-Free in My Head...
on parenting, creativity, procrastination, and more!
As a passionate keeper of lists of everything from life lessons and outfit ideas to quirky habits, I was intrigued when my brother-in-law told me about his own list: ubiquitous phrases and social media memes that annoy him, including, “__lives rent-free in my head.”
I’m not on X/Twitter, so haven’t grown as irritated with the phrase’s overuse as my brother-in-law, and while I understand its negative connotation, it got me thinking about the useful words that live rent-free in my head…
I’ve accumulated a collection of aphorisms, quotes, and sayings that rattle around my brain daily. They appear like thought bubbles at various moments, motivating me to be brave and take risks, get things done when I’m procrastinating, and reminding me what matters most—particularly when it comes to parenting. Some are quotes by wise people I admire, and others are lessons I’ve learned.
Here’s my list. I’d love to know what useful words or phrases rattle around your brain; do you relate to any of these?! Share yours in the comments below!
1. “If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much.” Jacqueline Kennedy said this in a 1959 TV interview when her husband was campaigning for president. While I don’t believe it’s possible to be a perfect parent, this pops into my head as a reminder that raising my children is my highest priority and responsibility—and that they’re the two people guaranteed to remember my life and how I lived it.
2. People admire passion. I’m a devotee of the business podcast, How I Built This, because I love stories about people who take outrageous risks and achieve incredible things: I’m in awe of those entrepreneurs! But I’m often afraid of appearing “cringe” or being embarrassed for following my unique interests and trying new things. This is my go-to mantra when I need courage to do something risky that may invite ridicule.
3. Never assume. In my first job in New York City, a manager I revered had “To Assume Makes an Ass out of You and Me” framed behind his desk. If I could analyze every mistake or frustrating missed connection in my life, I believe 99% would be attributed to not checking and reconfirming details thoroughly! It’s true for relationships, too, especially close ones. Never assume is a reminder to check in with my husband, children, and close friends, to find out how they’re feeling and what’s going on in their lives—and to make sure something I said hasn’t been taken the wrong way—rather than wishing and hoping all is well.
4. Motion is lotion. Since hitting midlife and beginning to experience the injuries, aches, and pains of aging, I’m more aware of what my body needs to stay healthy. Human bodies are built to be used, and staying active keeps everything in working order. This goes for my brain, too: I don’t want to stagnate, get stuck in my ways, or be attached to outdated ways of thinking. This mantra motivates me to get moving, stay curious, and be adventurous and engaged in life.
5. Work is a rubber ball. This line from then Coca Cola CEO, Brian Dyson’s, 1991 Georgia Tech commencement speech appears in my head (and out of my mouth) whenever I’m thinking, or talking to someone about, work/life balance. Here’s the entire quote:
“Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls— family, health, friends, and spirit—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered.”
6. Don’t overthink it. As a recovering perfectionist, I’m always trying to “get things right,” and can get into gnarly mental tangles about whether, how, and when to do things. This leads to procrastination and perseveration. When I find myself fretting, mentally repeating this mantra feels calming.
7. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. This aphorism has been attributed to both Benjamin Franklin and Winston Churchill, and like “never assume,” it’s a lesson I’ve learned repeatedly. Setting aside time to properly think and talk through logistics and plans, and anticipating good and bad outcomes, always serves me well. Occasionally, I’ll attempt to throw caution and planning to the wind—and every single time, I regret it.
8. Be the person I want my kids to be. This alternates with “Show, don’t tell,” which is advice commonly given to writers to help evoke emotion in readers. Every parent knows that kids (like adults) don’t like being told what to do—but are watching us super-closely. Showing my children how to be curious, kind, and hard-working is more difficult than lecturing, but I believe practicing is more powerful than preaching.
9. Better inputs equal better outputs. This is an abbreviation of a James Clear quote, "The person who consumes from better sources gets better thoughts," and it’s a reminder to manage my consumption carefully—of everything from the media I watch and listen to, the people I spend time with, to what I eat and drink.
In addition to mantras and wise words, I welcome several lines from movies and TV shows to live rent-free in my head: it’s so fun when you repeat a line and the people you’re with immediately get the reference!
Here are my top 5. What are yours?!
“Coffee, tea…me?!” Working Girl
“I want to go to there.” 30 Rock
“You can put it on the Underhill’s.” Fletch
“This is going straight to the pool room!” From the beloved Aussie classic, The Castle.
“Surely you can’t be serious. I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.” Airplane!
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Sounds Like Teen Spirit. My kids are both officially teenagers, and the thing that surprises me the most about this is…I don’t hate it!
The Secrets of Happy Families. The 5 most important lessons from my difficult childhood.
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The pool room 🤣 Goes immediately to re-watch The Castle. ❤️🇦🇺
A quotation that I’ve always found helpful (and I swear I’m not a pollyanna) is “The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief.” I think it’s from Shakespeare’s Othello. But it has helped remind me in times of need that you can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction to it.