Books With Benefits

turning a house into a home, delicious true tales, and delving inside the minds of famous women...

Sep 29, 2023

One reason I read is to learn, and while I am a fan of the personal development genre (particularly books with happiness in the title) I have gleaned a surprising and satisfying body of knowledge from books that aren’t strictly how-to.

I especially love a book that both entertains and educates – and this week, I’m sharing my favorites: from decorating tips to cozy reads with recipes, and deep relationship insights, I hope you find some good ideas here, too.

Turning a House into a Home

Ever since moving into my first solo apartment (Jane Street, West Village, 2001) I’ve been interested in learning the alchemy of turning a house into a welcoming, cozy, and attractive home - in essence, how to imbue a house with soul. From these books I’ve learned invaluable things like the never-fail English country house recipe of using stripes, florals, and checks together in a room; that rooms with light from two sides are the most attractive; that porches less than 6 feet deep are uncomfortable; and that every armchair or sofa must have a small table nearby on which to place a drink and snack!

A Pattern Language: I consult this book before making home decorating or design decisions. It was written by a group of architects who set out to analyze and define the elements of homes, gardens, buildings, cities, and towns, that make human beings feel the most comfortable and at ease. They prescribe specific measurements and details for turning every room (and outdoor space) in your home into one that you, and your guests, will never want to leave.
At Home by Bill Bryson: I return often to this whimsical, encyclopedic “history” of homes and the way humans have built and lived in them over time, right down to each piece of furniture and pane of glass. From Bryson, I learned that graveyards rise over time (the bodies create “a lot of mass”); that the British used to tax the addition of windows to houses; and that in the 1600s poisonous substances were regularly added to foods to make them more appealing: “A tea drinker…might unwittingly take in anything from sawdust to powdered sheep’s dung.” It’s entertaining, surprising, and comforting all at once.
Farm From Home by Amanda Brooks: catalogs a year in the life of Brooks, a former New York fashion executive who moved with her husband and children to the English countryside to live a slower, bucolic life, on her husband’s family farm. The book includes simple, seasonal recipes and gorgeous photographs and I believe the seed of my yearning to move to the country was planted the first time I leafed through it.
The Perfectly Imperfect Home by Deborah Needleman: is illustrated with charming hand-drawn images and filled with truly practical advice on how to decorate, host, and live well, by the former editor of Domino. With categories like “A Bit of Quirk;” “A Doted-On Bedroom;” and “Cozifications;” this is exactly the type of decorating and design I love: attractive, approachable, and timeless.

Delicious True Tales

The books I loved best as a child, like the Narnia and Famous Five series, were rife with descriptions of meals that made my mouth water. I can clearly picture the cozy scene in The Lion, Witch, and The Wardrobe where Mr. Tumnus explains Narnia to a befuddled Lucy over steaming hot tea, buttered toast, and cake as they sit in comfortable armchairs in front of a roaring fire (in a cave under a tree trunk). And when the Famous Five kids needed a break from solving mysteries in the English countryside, they picnicked on warm baked bread, just-laid eggs, and milk provided by friendly farmers.

So, it’s probably not surprising that some of my favorite books as an adult are also centered on food and the memories and moods delicious meals evoke.

Cooking For Mr. Latte by Amanda Hesser: the book that got me hooked on this genre, originated as a column in The New York Times Magazine, recording the culinary ups and downs of Hesser’s romance with a non-foodie. The book came out in 2003, the year I met my own future husband, and during the time when everyone I knew started getting engaged it made the perfect engagement gift.
Home Cooking: A Writer In The Kitchen by Laurie Colwin: This beloved memoir/manifesto is widely adored for its beautifully written, honest, funny, and heartfelt stories about Colwin’s cooking life, from hosting a dinner party in an apartment without a table; to feeding her baby daughter, and catering for a crowd of thousands.
Heartburn by Nora Ephron: While neither a memoir nor a book about food, this novelized – and hilarious - version of the demise of Nora Ephron’s marriage to Carl Bernstein loosely fits here: to fictionalize the story, Ephron disguised herself as a food writer and her favorite recipes, including the now-infamous salad dressing at the heart of the Jason Sudeikis-Olivia Wilde divorce, are included, and indexed, at the back of the book. This year marks the 40^th anniversary of the book’s publication, and you can also watch the excellent movie version starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson!

Therapists in Real Life

Do you, upon finding yourself in a social situation with someone who works in the medical profession, immediately begin discussing your various ailments? I do this reflexively and am working hard to stop! It’s insufferable. Another variant of this affliction: upon learning someone is a psychiatrist or psychologist, I cannot resist asking if they’ve read my favorite books about the therapist–patient relationship…

Group: Christie Tate’s unflinchingly honest memoir about her time in group therapy, where she learned to let go of unhealthy relationships and develop real trust – in both her fellow patients, her therapist, and eventually, the man she would marry.
Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: Lori Gottlieb’s bestselling book about being a therapist having a crisis who desperately needs a therapist of her own; interwoven with fascinating and heartbreaking stories of the struggles of her own clients.
Good Morning Monster: written by Canadian therapist, Catherine Gildener, this is a collection of stories of the clients she considers “heroes” – those who suffered intense trauma as children but found ways to cope and prevail. Not for the faint of heart, it’s a fascinating look into the long-term effects of trauma and how good therapy can help people face, deal with, and recover from, the unthinkable.

My enthusiasm for the genre also extends to therapists onscreen: my favorites are In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne, and The Patient, where Steve Carrel plays a therapist kidnapped by his patient who happens to be a serial killer…

And finally, one last “genre” that’s not really a genre but I find riveting: Inside The Mind of A Famous Woman by Curtis Sittenfeld.

While I loved her novels Prep, Eligible, and the most recent, Romantic Comedy, my favorite Sittenfeld books are of a type: she takes well-known women and imagines – or reimagines – their inner thoughts and lives, providing readers with the sense that you have a birds-eye-view into the private emotions and motivations of a very famous person.

Rodham asks the question: what if Hilary Rodham never married Bill Clinton?
American Wife is a fictional exploration of the feelings and motivations of a woman, very much like Laura Bush, whose involvement as a young adult in a tragic car accident forever colors her attitude and approach to life as the wife of an American president.