How a Bestselling Ghostwriter Defines Success and Happiness

"As it turns out, it really is more about the journey than the destination" says Caroline Cala Donofrio, plus the genius mantra that helped her finish a marathon!

Amelia Wilson

and

Caroline Cala Donofrio

Sep 13, 2024

Welcome to the Everyday Happiness Interviews, a series in which wise and accomplished people share honest and revealing insights on the good life.

Today’s interview is with Caroline Cala Donofrio, a writer whose work has been featured in The Cut, Vogue, Elle, Refinery29, The Zoe Report, and Cup of Jo, where she also worked as an editor for many years. She is the author of the middle-grade series Best Babysitters Ever, and has ghostwritten multiple New York Times bestselling books for notable people, from actors and TV personalities to professional athletes and chefs. Caroline’s whimsically titled newsletter, Between a Rock and a Card Place, is all about the messy business of being human and features beautifully written and heartfelt personal essays, interviews, and a bonus weekly tarot card reading!

Read on for the five daily practices Caroline swears by to promote a sense of contentment, what she buys to guarantee joy, the three mantras she lives by, and her go-to sources of wise advice…

What habits and routines do you practice to promote and protect your happiness and well-being?

Much of the time, happiness feels akin to the weather — rolling in and out, following its own mysterious agenda. But I find that if I aim for contentment, stay true to what moves me, and try to relinquish what I can’t control (easier said than done), the proverbial sky is more frequently blue.

These habits help:

Greet the day — outside. Immediately upon waking, I brush my teeth and am out the door. Some days this means a ten-minute walk around the block, some days I’ll head to the park for an early run, others I might sit on a favorite bench near the water to write morning pages. (When weather interferes, I’ll still try to run an errand to get me outside.) Making this space between sleep and screens is nonnegotiable.

Kindergarten self-care chart. I keep a sticker chart, not unlike the kind one might use to track chores or potty training, to log the ways I show up for myself. It’s separate from my regular calendar and just for pursuits that might otherwise fall by the wayside, like meditation and personal projects and various forms of movement. It’s surprisingly effective in a gentle way, and choosing and affixing each day’s stickers brings its own moment of joy.
Move my body, every day. Everything works better when I do.
Nourish myself. After 40 years of existing in this body, I’ve found I feel (and sleep!) best when eating a plant-based diet and rarely drinking alcohol. (I’ll relax the parameters for special occasions or when I’m a guest in someone’s home.) I believe in honoring our individual bodies, sensitivities, and needs — including the fact that these things are subject to change.
Be a social creature. As the bulk of my work involves quietly typing in solitude, I’ve found it’s imperative to build in a few meaningful social interactions each week — a coworking day with a fellow writer, a call with a friend across the country, a sanity walk with a beloved neighbor.

Are there any activities that brought you joy during your childhood or adolescence that you would like to return to?

I am largely the same person — child-me could often be found writing, reading, or running around outside, which I still count among my favorite activities. Back then, however, there was an unself-conscious playfulness about it (especially the writing) that I long to recapture. Sometimes I get close. Maybe one day.

What gets in the way of your happiness, and how have you learned to counter that?

The noise! Take this curious wellness powder, try this hack that promises to rewire your entire being, wear this trend even though you sported it twenty years ago and you didn’t like it then, either.

And the relentless nagging sense that I am somehow “behind.”

If I feel the noise creeping in, I’ll stop to meditate on my personal definitions for terms like “success” or “enough” versus whatever society is peddling. Connecting to my own ideals and value systems helps bring me back into the light.

From my mid-twenties to mid-thirties, I lived alone with my late dog in a tiny, creaky apartment. I spent my free time working on writing that seemed to be going nowhere, or on dates that were even less promising.

At the time, it felt like a season of yearning — for “progress,” for answers, to feel “settled.” But I remember thinking to appreciate it, because one day I would look back and miss that chapter, and the feeling of possibility inherent in the questions.

And I was right! Now, I look back fondly on those days of finding my voice and forging my own path, in a beloved space with a beloved companion. I was truly happy, because as it turns out, it really is more about the journey than the destination.

Assuming money can buy some happiness, what do you consider money well spent?

Studies say experiences bring more happiness than stuff, and I wholeheartedly agree. But I’d extend this claim to certain things that lead to learning or doing:

Books, always. It’s like giving yourself an out-of-body experience. You can travel to other worlds, dimensions, and points of view. This is particularly true when it comes to beautiful art books or reference books or favorites that I know I’ll return to over and over.
Art. I don’t currently have the budget for an impressive art collection, but the paintings, photos, and prints that adorn my home bring so much brightness, ambiance, and opportunities for reflection. (And supporting an artist is always money well spent!)
Classes. Whether it’s a workshop about something I’m curious about, continuing education, or an offering from a club or gym, I’m always bolstered by a sense of curiosity and community.
Gear. I’ve found that a choice piece of equipment that helps you commit to something you’ve been pondering — whether it’s to paint or hike or cook a new cuisine — is often money well spent. My running watch and tarot card collection have paid for themselves many times over in happiness returns.

Are there any mantras, quotes, or sayings that inform your approach to the pursuit of a good, well-lived life?

“I love you. Keep going.” A couple years ago, in the lead-up to my first marathon, I put out a call for personal mantras and a reader named Alex shared these words from a favorite yoga teacher. I repeated it throughout the race and felt moved and inspired — so much so that before my second marathon, I printed it on the back of my shirt to offer fellow runners a boost. The past year has been a difficult one for me personally, full of loss and grief, and I’ve returned to these words, over and over. It’s quite possibly the perfect phrase.

“Be open.” Open to possibilities. Open to surprises. Open to other perspectives. And last but not least, open in the sense of staying vulnerable, authentic, and receptive to connection.
“Life is too serious to be taken seriously.” A frequent saying of my dad, attributed to multiple people misquoting Oscar Wilde (“life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about”). A reminder that much of life is absurd and it helps to laugh.

Who do you consider wise? Is there anyone whose advice you consistently follow?

Children and animals. It seems like a lot of the work of adulthood is unlearning— remembering who we truly are and what really matters. I have a few dear friends whose counsel I treasure, but when it comes to advice, I believe that our intuition knows best.

How a Bestselling Ghostwriter Defines Success and Happiness

"As it turns out, it really is more about the journey than the destination" says Caroline Cala Donofrio, plus the genius mantra that helped her finish a marathon!

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