How I'm Making Goals This Year...
How I'm Making Goals This Year...
gentle fun and the secret to happiness
Hello from my first Friday scribbles of 2023! I hope you’ve had a good start to the year, and if you’d like a guarantee that only good things will happen in the coming 12 months, check out your happy horoscope here!
We had a lovely Christmas Eve with friends, and a quiet Christmas Day, followed by a relaxing week at the beach - sleeping in, swimming, playing tennis, riding bikes, reading, and eating way too much. It was a perfect escape from the winter gloom and a great way to usher in a new year.
So: 2023! Have you made lots of goals and resolutions?
Until 2020, my approach to a new year was systematic: I listed my “lessons learned” from the previous year, then compiled my hopes, dreams, and goals for the next 12 months. But since March 2020, time has been playing tricks on me: 2020 felt like four weirdly long years (pre-and post-March then pre-and post-election); 2021 began in April when I got vaccinated; and Omicron meant that last December / January felt like an annual version of pandemic Groundhog Day!
All that is to say, my old approach was disrupted and it doesn’t feel right to go back to it. Apparently, I’m not alone, and approaching new year’s resolutions differently (or not at all) is very on-trend!
Instead of a long list, I’ve come up with a “main theme” for 2023, which is Fun; and one goal for January, which is to be Gentle.
Why Fun?
I happen to have a special talent for turning something enjoyable (like writing, which I love) into a painful chore. It’s a toxic combo of perfectionism, unnecessary discipline, and misplaced tenacity, and this tendency is a real joy-killer.
Take, for example, the Wordle game. I noticed toward the end of last year that I was obsessing about my streaks and feeling irritable if I couldn’t guess the answer on my third try. Ridiculous! In 2023, I say no to Wordle stress - if something is meant to be FUN but isn’t, I’ve given myself permission to quit.
On the other hand, there are many things I must do that aren’t particularly fun, or meant to be; and so in 2023, I will seek to find something enjoyable in the mundanity of chores and obligations - even if it’s just the teeniest glimmer of fun, like listening to good music while doing something annoying.
My first big step on the Fun Train is to prioritize friendships new and old, because while I love (and need) time alone to reflect and recharge, my most memorably fun times have always been with other people.
And, even better, the longest-running in-depth study on human happiness in the world has scientifically proven that our connections with other people hold the key to happiness:
“Strong relationships are what make for a happy life. More than wealth, I.Q. or social class, it’s the robustness of our bonds that most determines whether we feel fulfilled.”
Now, while I’m focusing on all aspects of FUN this year, I’m going to take it slowly, in an effort to temper my other unhelpful tendency, which is to launch myself at something with gusto, only to flame out and give up completely.
My awareness of this shortcoming lead to my specific goal for this month.
Gentle January
This means easing into the year, acknowledging that the winter weather here in New England doesn’t bring out my best: I want to go to bed at 8 pm; eat everything in sight, and lolling on the couch comes more naturally than exercising!
Having a Gentle January means being kind to myself (eschewing aforementioned perfectionism), embracing my need for rest, putting things in order (like our family budget, my closet, and the Christmas gifts still strewn around the house!); and getting ready for my year of FUN! This may actually be a trend, too: Self Magazine happens to be running a feature called Rest Week…
Gentle January means I won’t be immediately throwing any elaborate parties (which I was thinking about, because parties = FUN!); or buying colorful (FUN!) clothes; or overdoing it in any way. Gentle January means taking a measured approach to inviting more fun into my life, so that the fun itself doesn’t become exhausting and chore-like.
We’ll see how it goes!
Welcome To The Middle Ages
In other, related, news, 2023 is the final full calendar year of my 40’s. Not sure how that happened, but here we are.
And even if the date didn’t prove that I am firmly within middle age, then my high level of interest in making a reservation at the “middle-aged” restaurant in this piece confirms it. There are no small-font menus, the sound is kept low, the temperature comfortable, they automatically split the checks, and best of all:
…they won’t say “you girls,” “you ladies,” or “ma’am” or in any manner reference their mothers while serving you.
Like Liz Lemon, “I want to go to there.”
This Week’s Reads
On the other end of the age scale, I thought this piece about the rituals children in cold places use to attempt to conjure snow (and snow days) was adorable.
At the beach last week, I finished book 5 of the Cormoran Strike series and moved on to book 6, The Ink Black Heart. These are very good detective novels, set in England, and because I have been raving about them, Sadie (16) is now hooked, too! Once she finishes book 1, we’re going to watch the show together.
Next up, I may re-read one or two of Laurie Colwin’s books - they’re so comforting, especially Home Cooking and Happy All The Time. And if I was making new year’s resolutions, I might be tempted to read every book on Amazon’s best books of 2022 list. But I’m being gentle and FUN, and I could definitely turn that into work, so I’ll stay away from it. However, Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto could be an interesting choice for Gentle January!
This Week’s Shows
On the TV front, we happily discovered a new family show, or more accurately, TV Channel, on our trip: HGTV. I know, how did it take us so long?! Anyway, one of the highlights of our trip was piling into bed together to watch the addictive Fixer to Fabulous, and my personal favorite, My Lottery Dream Home.
This is definitely a new family ritual, so much so, that Jim and I are planning to get a TV in our bedroom so we can continue this guilty pleasure (as long as the kids will indulge it!). Definitely checks the Fun box!
The other shows we watched over break and recommend are: Fleishman Is In Trouble (me); Mythic Quest (Jim); Young Sheldon (Sadie); Slow Horses (everyone); and I’ve heard great things about Derry Girls; and both She Said and The Fabelman’s look excellent.
Have a Gentle Weekend!
We have a quiet weekend planned, hopefully including some HGTV…
Jim and I will be “meeting” to go over our budget for the year (gotta figure out how much FUN we can afford) and I’m thinking about making Ina Garten’s Pastitsio or Frankie’s Sunday Sauce, although Teddy (12) is making worrying noises about being a vegetarian, so we’ll see.
Take care of yourselves, and have a wonderful, gentle weekend!
xo
Amelia
P.S: I really loved these ideas for nice things to say to people from Oprah Daily. Every one is a winner!
