Let's Get This (Messy, Daytime) Party Started

It's always 2 pm somewhere...

Several weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend at a fancy dressed-up party, when the conversation took an unexpected, and frankly, thrilling turn…

“You know, I’m glad this party started early-ish at 6 pm, but my ideal party would start at 2 pm and end around 7 - that way I’d still be able to get a good night’s sleep!” he said. I stared at him in shock before smiling broadly. This is my ideal party schedule too, but I had been keeping this information to myself, afraid I would be labeled an old, boring, party pooper!

I promise you, I’m not: I love getting dressed up and both attending and throwing parties, but the truth is this: lately, my enthusiasm for socializing has decreased. It’s certainly a side effect of middle age - there aren’t many of us in our late 40s and beyond who can handle late nights the way we used to.

But as I thought about it more, I realized it’s not only my aversion to late nights affecting my attitude, especially when it comes to hosting things myself.

There’s something else: a deeply ingrained voice in my head insisting that in order to entertain, I should have a scrupulously clean and tidy house, cook every menu item from scratch, amuse guests with clever games and witty conversation; set the table beautifully with flowers, candles, and all my nice glasses, flatware, and china; which leads directly to another thing I dislike: the big clean-up!

How my brain wants to entertain…

The irony is this: while the voice in my head demands that I entertain at a certain standard, I don’t hold anyone else to it. I love being invited to other people’s homes, and never inspect the countertops, judge the use of paper plates, or expect Michelin-starred cuisine. I’m there for the camaraderie. And I happen to find washing dishes in the company of friends (while sipping drinks and chatting) quite festive!

I realized that the last time I hosted on a regular basis was during the summer and early fall of 2020 - the “pre-Covid-vaccine-era.” We were careful to stay outside, the vibe was relaxed, paper plates were de rigeur, and the tidiness of my house did not matter because no one was going to see it. And happily, every get-together concluded when the sun went down as it became either too cold or too dark to linger.

Now that the risk of Covid has receded, and “normal” life has resumed, along with the unspoken rules and conventions of socializing, I’ve noticed social events gradually becoming more formal and sophisticated - and to my chagrin - getting started at sundown. Accordingly, whenever I’ve thought about inviting people over lately, the mental mean girls inside my head have taken to their loudspeakers, shouting all the things I should do to prepare my home, and that I simply cannot throw a party at 2 pm. And I have listened to them, allowing myself to be intimidated (by a bunch of silly shoulds in my head) into doing nothing at all.

But ever since my friend’s offhand comment, I’ve felt a glimmer of something exhilarating: permission to entertain how and when I want!

Last weekend, at a dinner with friends, I decided to test the waters, casually dropping my interest in earlier parties into a conversation with a couple. Their response was everything I could have hoped for: “Oh, we always talk about how much we wish dinner parties could start in the mid-afternoon, so we’d get home earlier!” they chorused.

And so I’m feeling empowered to silence those voices in my head and entertain my way, using the “summer of 2020 blueprint.”

And while I’ll definitely make sure my guests feel welcome, my house might be messy, the food could be store-bought, and the plates may be paper, but at least I know three people who will show up at 2 pm!

What I’m Watching

Allow me to present this week’s Succession-related diversions while we all count the minutes until Sunday night: “Pugcesssion” and Kendall and Roman’s homes are for sale!

In the meantime, I’m really enjoying Love and Death (see last week’s description). I know what happens but I can’t stop watching!

This weekend, I’m planning to watch The Mother, an action-thriller starring Jennifer Lopez as a military-trained assassin on a mission to protect her daughter. It’s been a while since I’ve seen J Lo in something, and it looks good!

The new movie I’m most excited about is BlackBerry. Opening in US theaters today, May 12, is a movie about the creation, meteoric rise, and ultimate collapse, of Research in Motion, the Canadian company that invented and sold the addictive hand-held device, often fondly known as a CrackBerry. I finally retired mine in 2018, and I miss it every day. The movie looks smart and funny, and I’m looking forward to learning how an excellent product that was integral to everyday life so swiftly became obsolete.

Speaking of smart and funny, White House Plumbers, a farcical limited series on the Watergate scandal, starring Woody Harrelson and Justin Theroux (who are both excellent) is worth watching.

What I’m Reading

Disaster struck this week when I misplaced my Kindle! I’ll have it back later tonight, and can finally finish reading Happy Place by Emily Henry. I urgently need to know if Win and Harriet are going to get back together!

Next, I’m planning to read Tom Hanks’ novel, The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece, which is about, hmmmmm, the making of a movie. I’m intrigued: apparently, the novel includes three comic books, also written by Hanks, that the movie (in the story) is based on. For more Hanks, this long Atlantic piece is well worth reading.

If you’re in the mood for more celebrity profiles, this one on Alec Baldwin’s family life (he has 7 little kids!!) and experience since the Rust film set shooting, is worth reading.

If you have time this weekend, this fun piece of short fiction is inspired by a famous Plaza Hotel resident, and was written by Rebecca Makkai, the author of one of my favorite books of the year so far, I Have Some Questions For You.

What I’m Cooking

We have a bunch of teenagers coming over this weekend, and a Pavlova has been requested for dessert. For those of you who’ve never heard of it, Pavlova is a craggy meringue with a soft center topped with whipped cream and fresh fruit. Growing up in Australia, the “pav” always had kiwifruit and passionfruit on it, but those are hard to get here in New York, so I mostly use strawberries and blueberries.

My Pavlova recipe is on a stained piece of scrap paper, but this Ina Garten version is pretty close. Some notes for Americans: Ina does not specify caster or superfine sugar, but I think using it makes a real difference to the meringue. You do NOT need to sweeten the whipped cream - the meringue is already incredibly sweet. And finally - once the cooking time is over, just turn off the oven (don’t open it!) and let the pavlova cool down, ideally overnight.

I didn’t make this, but am sure mine tastes just as good!

What I’m Listening To

I laughed out loud several times during Glennon Doyle’s latest podcast, titled “How Not to be an A-hole” which is all about manners, or more specifically, what not to say to people. The discussion about how adults talk to children (about their height! their hair!) is spot-on.

If you’re interested in more manners-related content, check out New York Magazine’s recent issue on etiquette post-Covid. I didn’t agree with all of it, but needed the tipping info!

And Happy Maycember To All Parents…

“Busy like Christmas, but we’re still in May…”