Some Happy Scribbles...
As the weather (sort of) warms and Covid-restrictions wane, my calendar is slowly filling with events I am looking forward to: a book reading; an old friend coming to visit; a family trip for a surprise birthday party; a fancy dinner that Jim and I will get dressed up for; as well as some fun events at the kids’ schools.
I am surprised at how much happiness I’m feeling from simply anticipating each one of these - because I thought I had completely let go of my fondness for looking forward to things. Pre-pandemic, aware that I got nearly as much joy out of savoring my thoughts about an upcoming trip or special occasion, I made a point of planning everything as far in advance as I could. This earned me a fair amount of teasing from friends about my obsessive planning - but also maximized my good feelings.
Of course, Covid changed that.
Like many people, I was bitterly disappointed when everything was canceled in March 2020, but then, over the past two years, I gradually became proud of my newfound ability to gracefully accept each cancelation, delay, or reschedule as they came.
I sternly told myself there were far worse things in a pandemic than a few cancelations. Any time something was scheduled, I made sure to announce to myself and my family: “Don’t get too excited, it will probably get canceled.”
To minimize frustration, if I made any plans at all, they were no further out than a week. I learned to become more flexible, casual, spontaneous! All good things!
And so, until recently, I did not realize how much I missed the feeling of happy anticipation or how dull my life is when it’s banished. Now, as more and more things are taking place as planned, I am beginning to allow myself to again revel in the joy of “looking forward.”
However - I keep reminding myself - given all the uncertainties in the world, who knows what might happen next? Maybe I should continue to temper my gleeful anticipation with a dose of reality and stick to my trusty mantra: “Don’t get too excited, it will probably get canceled.”
But I’ve decided not to - because if I get the happy feelings from simply looking forward to things, then I am going to embrace that wholeheartedly and enjoy it while it lasts.
If plans are canceled, I’ll deal with the sadness and disappointment then.
Here are some more of the things that made me happy this week.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Amelia
You Can’t Cancel The Seasons
On one of the few warm afternoons this week (it’s been raining and cold since Wednesday), I decided to clean up some garden beds and absorb as much sun as possible. It has been months since I’ve done anything in the garden, except stare at the trees, grass, and bushes, and fervently wish there was more color.
On a break from bagging dead leaves and transporting gravel back onto the driveway, I stopped to look closely at one of our hydrangea bushes - I wanted to see if there were any signs of life. To my eye, there were not (you can see it below) which truly amazes me. Because, by July, just over two months from now, those dead-looking branches will be heavy with huge nodding flowers. In fact, there will be so many that even when I cut armfuls to arrange in vases, the bushes will remain abundant with blooms.
Twenty-four years after leaving subtropical Brisbane, Australia, where the foliage remains lush year-round, I still find the annual cycle of the seasons astonishing and miraculous. It seems impossible that what appears dead comes back to life so vibrantly, year after year!
I love that you can’t cancel the seasons (although who knows what might happen as the climate continues to warm), and I am so looking forward to seeing the hydrangeas in all their glory again soon. Below are some that I dried and arranged last fall, to brighten the house throughout the winter.
Playing Footsies
I do think it’s possible to buy small jolts of happiness, and this week, I gave my feet the gift of new tennis sneakers AND sports socks. The socks, especially, are bringing me a lot of happiness: they are probably one of the cheapest things in my closet, but for some reason they are the last thing I think about replacing – until I can’t find any matching pairs to put on. I really like the ones from Thorlos because they are so cushiony and plush.
I have promised my feet I will remember to buy new ones every three months…
Family Time, Tom Brady Style
Finding the time to sit down and properly read an issue of The New Yorker is a true joy –I need at least an uninterrupted hour when I am alert enough (!) to engage with the long articles.
Last weekend that opportunity arrived while the rest of my family watched a movie. Sitting in my favorite armchair, I laughed so loudly and often when I got to John Kenney’s satirical piece about Tom Brady’s “resignation” that I was admonished for being a distraction. I began guffawing as soon as I read the two quotes at the beginning.
I was going to cut and paste all my favorite bits from the article, but really, you should read the whole thing - it’s short and hilarious!
Family Time, Teddy Style
Teddy and I have been mostly home together this week, and to my great delight, we settled into an easygoing routine. This isn’t always the case when it’s just the two of us – quite often our conflicting ideas about screen time, bedtime, and who’s responsible for kitchen clean up, create tension and leave us at odds.
I’ve been wondering why this week has gone so well, and I think it’s because we have recently managed to find some common interests – which could be a function of him getting older (he’s now 11), or because I’ve gotten better at paying attention to what he enjoys, instead of trying to compel him to do what I like!
Some highlights of our week:
Teddy loves the “I Survived” series of books and is currently reading about the 9/11 attack on New York. Because I was working a few blocks from the World Trade Center that day, we’ve had interesting conversations about why it happened, what changed afterward, and why someone would become a terrorist.
We’re both into Wordle: I do it every morning while eating breakfast, while Teddy acts as my “supervisor” from the other side of the table – asking me questions about which vowels are included and how many tries it took me to find the word; cannily gathering intel ahead of doing the puzzle himself, later in the day at school.
We found a show to watch together! Teddy had never seen The Hunger Games movies, and I was happy to watch them again, so we’ve been spending an hour each night making our way through the four movies. This has given him the idea of a Hunger Games-themed birthday party, which I am gently discouraging!
Permission To Be More Than One Thing!
I always admire and chuckle at the “Coup de Grace” cartoons on the Cup of Jo Instagram but knew absolutely nothing about the woman who created them until I read this profile. Grace Farris is a talented illustrator, and now a published author, with a wise, humorous, keen eye for the truths of parenting - and a doctor, too!
I have a particular fascination with people who are “more than one thing” because I am still trying to shake off the belief I thoroughly absorbed as a child, that when it came to life, you only get to pick one thing to be – that you couldn’t possibly have two (or more!) completely different careers at the same time.
This idea that you can continue to pursue several different passions or career paths to create a life that is truly uniquely you, really thrills me.
I want to teach my kids that this is possible – that their job now, while they’re growing up, is to figure out what they love doing - no matter what other people tell them they should do - and then as adults, to ensure they incorporate all of that as they build a good, and full, life.
Swinging Into Summer
Last weekend, Sadie and I were both home for a few hours, and because the weather was sunny and warm, I was able to convince her to spend some time with me outside by the firepit.
I suggested the firepit because there’s a rope swing in a big old tree next to it, and I know Sadie loves to swing, while I get a ridiculous amount of joy and satisfaction coaxing a roaring fire out of a pile of logs. I hoped that because we would each have a beloved activity, we wouldn’t feel that icky pressure to “do something together” which I have found often results in misunderstandings that escalate into bad feelings at lightning speed, followed by a gloomy sense that I’ve failed at parenting!
And it worked: while I fussed around the fire, Sadie swung back and forth and talked nonstop about how much she’s enjoying photography class and studying Oedipus Rex, what her friends are up to, and all the things she’s looking forward to this summer.
As I listened, trying hard not to say anything that would ruin the moment, I realized that just like me, Sadie is again allowing herself to look forward to things – and has many more things to look forward to, than she did a few months ago.
“Don’t get too excited, it may well be canceled” floated like a thought bubble above my head, but I refused to give in and say it.
I know the stress, uncertainty, and pain of the pandemic has been especially tough on teenagers, and it broke my heart a little to realize how much I’d missed hearing Sadie talk with optimism about the future. We have spent so much time over the past two years discussing our fears and worries, lecturing the kids about being careful, and explaining the horrible things reported on the news.
While a part of me wanted to protect Sadie from the potential disappointment of things not working out the way she hopes they will, I reminded myself to just let her be happy. That it was enough to simply be with her, enjoying the warm sun, and witnessing my daughter feeling happy, open, and optimistic.
It was ordinary, and extraordinary, at the same time.
