How to Give Meaningful Gifts

helpful inspiration and advice, plus the chick emoji! 🐥

Are you as shocked as I am that it’s December?! For weeks I have been inundated with gift guide e-mails promising “something perfect for everyone on my list.”

This year, the guides have trended extremely specific, like what to get for your “outdoorsy sister-in-law” or “newly married niece” or “tween who’s into baking.” My favorite so far is “Your Gorgeous Friend Who Periodically Texts You the Chick Emoji to Make You Smile.”

While I’m finding this amusing, the overall effect of this “advice” has been to make me feel bad about myself – and guilty, too. I know the intention is to be helpful (and sell stuff, obvs), but the shameful fact that I have not yet “made my list” coupled with all these lists of things I should buy is giving me analysis paralysis.

And, saddest of all, I don’t have a friend who periodically sends me the chick emoji to make me smile - but I now suspect everyone else does - so I feel terrible about that, too. (Just kidding – or am I?)

I began thinking that the reason I’m feeling less than inspired by all the lists is because I’m not the gift-giving type, but then I read this piece: The year I set a no-gift boundary for the holidays, and while I appreciate the author’s admirably firm boundaries, I found it harsh.

“That first year was rough…I did my best not to make it awkward, but frankly, it was awkward, and we just had to sit with that.”

Yikes! That is not how I want to spend holiday gatherings!

The truth is, I do enjoy giving gifts, but the annual Christmas pressure of giving so many at the same time causes my brain to panic and freeze. The gift guides all seem to be shouting at me: if you don’t get something unique and perfect for each person, you are a miserable, ungenerous failure!

And then, like a Christmas miracle, I stumbled upon a truly thoughtful piece with practical gift-giving guidance, like this three-point framework with questions to ask:

“Can I introduce someone to something they might not otherwise know about?

Can I get them a nicer version of something than they would buy for themselves?

Or can I make them feel seen?”

If you can check one of those three boxes, you’ve probably got a good present on your hands.

And this wonderful idea for extended families with kids who can read (and may need to be encouraged to read more):

“…a book swap…wherein each person had to choose a title from their own shelf that they thought another person in the group would enjoy. “Part of the gift was explaining: ‘I have read this, I loved it, and I think you would love it,’” Rosner says. “It involved spending zero dollars, it created amazing conversations, and it felt really personal and deep.”

Finally, and super-helpfully, the writer suggests three categories of gifts for when you have no idea what to get someone: books, or “food, beverages, and other consumables” (including home-made things – here are some great ideas), or - and this might be my favorite: the biggest version of something!

“One pair of socks is tragic. Five pairs of socks feels dutiful. Ten starts to be a little interesting…But 100 is ludicrous. And that’s what makes it a great gift. You have to cross that line.”

This reminded me of something I’ve been eyeing but would never buy for myself: this enormous container of Maldon Salt. Definitely a winning gift idea for several of the foodies in my family!

Something not mentioned is a “signature gift,” which is a strategy I have employed for years. I gave everyone on my list something I’d loved that particular year (like my favorite cookbook or novel or PJs or scented candle or bottle of wine). This approach was inspired by Jim’s grandmother, Granny Lou. An elegant Southern lady, her signature gift to engaged couples was a set of good quality bath towels embroidered with the bride-to-be’s married monogram. 17 years later, we’re still using those towels, and they’re a lovely reminder of Granny Lou’s thoughtfulness.

While pondering all of this, I received an e-mail from Jack, one of my closest Aussie friends, who happens to be an exceptional gift-giver: even though we haven’t lived in the same country since the late 90s, she manages to send beautifully wrapped (sometimes homemade!) presents for my entire family each year.

She wrote: “So sorry I haven’t sent presents this year as I am all over the place. I really enjoy choosing and sending something so back on track next year I hope.”

What a thrill her message gave me! Jack gave herself the precious gift of one less thing on her to-do list! I know how challenging and stressful this year has been for her, and I don’t need something mailed all the way from Australia to prove that we’re good friends. And, knowing her as well as I do, I’m sure she’s been feeling guilty, so I’m proud of her for simply stating the obvious: gift-giving is not a priority this year, even though she enjoys doing it.

Although…I may need her to send me texts with the chick emoji periodically…someone needs to! 🐥😉

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