Thank You, Middle Age
Thank You, Middle Age
The unsung upside of getting older
A surprising thing happened to me this morning.
I woke up, aware that my essay for today was nowhere near ready to publish. The research for my thesis (whether curiosity could be part of the solution to defusing the divisiveness in American politics) was proving more time-consuming than I anticipated, and I knew I wasn’t going to produce a well-written essay on that topic by the end of the day.
I checked myself for a sense of panic. As someone who likes to be prepared, I usually have a rough draft completed by Thursday evening, so I can get to work revising and editing first thing on Friday.
But, to my surprise, I did not feel panicked. I felt calm. I’d even go so far as to say I felt quietly confident.
Which was surprising because I am kind of a perfectionist who cares very much what other people think of me. Tortured worries about my past and future mistakes regularly visit me in the night, jolting me awake so that I can perseverate and become sweaty and stressed. I’ve made a promise to all of you, and myself, to post something original and thoughtful each Friday, and beginning the day without a draft makes that goal nearly impossible.
How was I not freaking out? And what was this unusual feeling?
It niggled at me until I realized I had felt this before and knew what it was: a sense of ease. It’s like a magical feeling of quiet self-assurance that you are just right, as you are, in that time and place. The absence of stress, anxiety, or worry is like a non-feeling; as if your entire emotional system got an upgrade to a smoother, sleeker, more powerful, bug-free version.
It’s a wonderful way to experience the world and I want more of it! A few years ago, a friend who is a therapist told me that this sense of ease is one of the goals of therapy – it’s what therapists are working toward helping their patients feel.
Now, while I’ve felt this before, it’s not my regular mode. As a person who wants to be a better person, I’m typically focused on locating and understanding my negative feelings, and there always seems to be more work to do.
But I suspect – and hope – that one of the unsung benefits of getting older (I’ll be 50 next year) may be a growing sense of ease.
After all, by the time we reach our mid-40’s, most of us have figured out life’s basics: how to parent, run a home, stay employed and healthy; how to maintain relationships, and how to know when something (a relationship, job, habit) is no longer serving us.
I often value innovation and novelty over constancy, but as I grow older, I realize that the confidence borne of experience brings its own sense of joy.
I woke up this morning confident I would get something written and published today, and so I did. More importantly, I feel at ease with the fact that just like me, this week’s missive isn’t perfect.
There are lots of new shows to watch! Here’s what I’m excited about:
Schmigadoon: a ridiculous and clever spoof on musicals, with an all-star cast. If you missed Season One, start there.
The Diplomat is a limited series with Kerri Russell and appears to be about high-level diplomacy and marriage. Which may be the same things.
The Last Thing He Told Me - a limited series starring Jennifer Garner, based on the best-selling book by Laura Dave. I really enjoyed the book so have high hopes for the show.
I am counting the seconds until Episode 4 of Succession is released, and devouring every single article written about Episode 3 while I wait, including this fake obituary. I also enjoyed these pics of a very alive Logan Roy Brian Cox.
I’m into Ted Lasso, and just started the new season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I’m also excited to watch Boom Boom, which appears to be a fascinating documentary about Boris Becker. Speaking of tennis, I’m going to dust off my copy of The Inner Game of Tennis to re-read. It’s been a while since I’ve read it, and seeing it on Bill Gates’ list of Top 5 books of all time has motivated me to go back to it for timeless tennis (and life) advice.
Otherwise on the reading front, I finished Romantic Comedy this week, and highly recommend it. I also read Women Are The Fiercest Creatures, which I moderately recommend. I’ve just started You Could Make This Place Beautiful (a divorce memoir by the poet, Maggie Smith) and On Grief, by Jennifer Senior, the book of a Pulitzer Prize-winning essay about the way one family coped with the death of a young man in New York on 9/11.
I am sorry (not sorry) to say that there was very little cooking around here this week. I wanted to give Caitlin Alexander a hug after she posted this on Instagram because it normalized the fact that earlier this week I made a list of no-cook dinners for weeknights. Included on that list is this delicious lasagne which has begun making a regular appearance at our local supermarket, and is now a family favorite. Don’t judge me.
Meanwhile, spring has truly sprung here, which of course means a new purse is called for. If you’re looking for inspo, I got a really cute and colorful one at Clare V this week!