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I was washing my hair in the shower (where so many great ideas occur) when it hit me: of all the life improvement tricks and tips I’ve tried over the years, there’s one that’s almost always effective.
It’s so easy and successful, it may be The Best Life Hack Ever…
But first, back to the shower. There I was, rinsing coconut-scented shampoo from my hair, while mentally congratulating myself on two things: having found the perfect Father’s Day gift for my husband (which the kids will “give” him, of course); and having done so more than a month in advance.
This was quite a victory because gift-buying is something I dread: the pressure to find a present that will delight the receiver results in an extended period of procrastination which usually ends with the purchase of a scented candle, a bottle of wine, or a book. Not that there’s anything wrong with those gifts (I love to receive them all!) but if I was living my best life, I would give truly unique and special gifts.
So, how did I find this perfect present so far in advance?
I used a strategy scientists believe is a key reason for human flourishing and success: I copied someone.
The inspiration for the Father’s Day gift struck as I stood on the stairway of a friend’s house, admiring a gallery wall of framed prints, posters, and photographs.
As I studied the colorful display, I remarked to my friend, “Jim would love that framed New Yorker poster!”
She smiled as she replied: “I gave it to my husband as a gift.”
“Good idea!” I said. “I’m going to get it for Jim, too.”
The Best Life Hack Ever
Copying each other comes naturally: from the moment we’re born, humans imitate the people around them.
In fact, in The Secret of Our Success, Harvard professor Dr. Joseph Henrich, argues that our dominance over every other species on the planet can be attributed not to our innate intelligence, but to our collective brains - the ability of human groups to socially interconnect and learn from one another over generations.
Social Scientists believe that our propensity for imitation is a core aspect of human cognition underpinning the technological advances that characterize our species. “Cumulative culture,” where innovations are incorporated progressively into a population's stock of skills and knowledge, generating more sophisticated repertoires, relies on our proclivity for high-fidelity imitation.
The Key To Making It Work
What I realized in the shower was this: copying someone to solve a problem is the master life hack strategy from which all others flow, because what are life hacks, if not tricks and tips we learn from imitating others?
Unaware it’s The Best Life Hack Ever, I’ve used this strategy numerous times, to great success, in many ways:
Parenting: I routinely copy strategies that have proved effective for friends with kids of similar ages;
Writing: when drafting business memos and letters, I get started by copying the words and structure of an existing document; and when I needed inspiration for a novel, I used the storyline of Four Weddings and a Funeral as a template;
Home design: when renovating our bathroom, I inventoried the fixtures at a friend’s home (she’s an accomplished decorator) and simply ordered them all;
Vacations: when someone I know raves about a trip, I ask for the itinerary and replicate it;
And then there’s Pinterest: among other things, I have “boards” for outfits, table settings, and decorating ideas; and the design of our kitchen was copied from an image found on the site.
It turns out that what I call shamelessly copying friends, social scientists have dubbed the “Copy-Paste Prompt.”
A 2020 study by University of Chicago professors, including Angela Duckworth, the author of Grit, found that copying people you know works better than reading up on random advice for a handful of reasons.
Their study was focused on instilling new exercise habits, and as study co-author Katy Milkman explains,
Seeking out exercise hacks to copy and paste led people to find tips that best fit their own lifestyles. What's more, taking a more active approach to information gathering increased the time participants spent with their role models, increasing their exposure to good habits.
Most importantly, the researchers found:
The closer people are to you, the more likely they are to have a lifestyle at least somewhat similar to yours. What works for them is therefore more likely to work for you.
This distinction is important to note, given the ubiquity of “influencers” making money from our propensity to imitate: from YouTube makeup tutorials to “Get Dressed With Me” videos on TikTok.
What I’m Reading
I love it when there are several books I’m excited to read, and this is one of those moments!
I’m engrossed in Emma Cline’s new novel, The Guest. We meet Alex, the protagonist, in the Hamptons, where she has fled with an older, rich boyfriend, to escape New York City and a mounting set of problems in her personal and professional life. In a departure from most novels, Alex is not an upstanding human being. Overall, the vibe is tense, the writing is excellent, and I was hooked from the first page. Highly recommend!
I’m also dipping in and out of Influence, the classic book on the psychology of persuasion, because (as noted above) I’m interested in this topic!
Next up, I’m looking forward to New Yorker writer Adam Gopnik’s new book: The Real Work: On the Mystery of Mastery which is about the distinction between accomplishment and achievement. Gopnik wrote an Opinion piece in the NY Times, where he explained:
Achievement is the completion of the task imposed from outside — the reward often being a path to the next achievement. Accomplishment is the end point of an engulfing activity we’ve chosen, whose reward is the sudden rush of fulfillment, the sense of happiness that rises uniquely from absorption in a thing outside ourselves.
Our social world often conspires to denigrate accomplishment in favor of the rote work of achievement. All our observation tells us that young people, particularly, are perpetually being pushed toward the next test or the “best” grammar school, high school or college they can get into.
Also on my list is The Postcard, an award-winning memoir originally published in French, that has just been released in English, which tells the story of one woman’s search to discover who sent her an anonymous postcard that listed the names of her three relatives who were all killed at Auschwitz.
What I’m Watching
I succumbed to Amazon Prime’s algorithm and began watching Citadel this week, and I must say, it’s fun to watch in the evening with a glass of wine when your ability to suspend reality is at maximum capacity! Best described as a spy “caper,” for me the highlights are Stanley Tucci as a sardonic spy-tech genius, and Richard Madden doing what he does best, playing a tortured tough guy a la Bodyguard, searching for highly important and sophisticated things like the “X-Box” and “Oz Key.” I am not making this up.
I’m excited to watch the much-promoted Bama Rush documentary when it comes out this week - as someone who did not go to college in the US and is not on TikTok, I am very intrigued to understand this aspect of American culture.
What I’m Listening To
I can’t wait for the warm days and long nights of summer and have been listening to what I call Italian Summer Music all week. I even have a playlist under construction: take a listen and see if it transports you to a lazy beach on Ischia, the shores of Lake Como, or a delightful Roman trattoria…
Recipe Of The Week: Easy Weeknight Chicken “Milanese”
Otherwise known as homemade chicken tenders over salad aka a guaranteed family crowd-pleaser!
Take some boneless skinless chicken cutlets, liberally salt and pepper, dredge in mayonnaise (trust me!), then some good quality panko breadcrumbs. Wait a few minutes before cooking to allow the breading to stick.
Heat some olive oil in a non-stick pan and gently fry the chicken (approx. 4-5 mins per side depending on thickness).
While the chicken is cooking, place salad greens on dinner plates. Add any other raw veggies that take your fancy (or that your children will eat): grape tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, scallions, or shallots are all regulars for me. You could add carrots! Or asparagus! Or pine nuts! The beauty of making the “salad” this way is that each serving can be different – no one needs to get upset about finding an offensive vegetable on their plate.
If you don’t have any ready-made dressing at hand, drizzle the salad with olive oil, then either lemon juice or a vinegar of your choice (I love white wine vinegar), a few turns of fresh cracked black pepper, and a sprinkling of flaky Maldon sea salt.
Once the chicken is cooked through and golden brown, place it on top of the salad, and sprinkle the chicken with flaky salt – and maybe a few drops of lemon juice. A shaving of parmesan might be nice too!
Have a wonderful weekend and thank you for reading! If you have comments, questions, or story ideas, you’re very welcome to email me at amelia@somehappyscribbles.com
You are welcome to copy me anytime!! xo
The Easy Weeknight Chicken “Milanese” looks great! Sasha is away this week and Maia and I are fending for ourselves. This recipe looks perfect. :)