Happy Nostalgia
part two: my fears about going home to Australia for the first time in 11 years plus Aussie recommendations for you!
Although I’ve lived away from Australia for 25 years, I am deeply proud of my Aussie roots. My knees are covered in scars from an outdoorsy childhood spent on beaches, in the bush, and in backyards, and I’ve dined out for years on the story of being bitten by a redback spider when I was 12.1
But I was nervous about my first trip home in 11 years, and as I packed for the long flights, I worried and wondered: What would it feel like to be back? Would the locals make fun of my accent, which is now influenced by my American surroundings – and husband and children? Would I be considered a foreigner? Or would I feel so comfortable that I’d regret ever leaving?
To my delight, one of those fears was allayed upon landing in Australia, at a fast-food counter at the airport, when I asked for the simplest thing…
For the most part, having an Australian accent is not an impediment in the US, where the way I pronounce bath, tomato, oregano, and project are generally considered cute. However, certain words, like tuna and Tuesday (which I pronounce with a ch sound at the beginning) evoke puzzled looks. And, bizarrely: “May I have a bottle of water?” It’s a running joke in my family: when I ask for water at a café or restaurant, waiters stare at me quizzically, and my kids (after rolling their eyes), politely repeat my request in their proper American accents.
This ritual has become second nature, and so it wasn’t until I asked for a bottle of water in Australia – and was handed one without question - that I experienced the sweet relief of being heard and understood.
It was a tiny thing, but I felt immediately at home. Being surrounded by broad Australian accents brought me a surprising amount of happiness: I had forgotten that Aussies draw out the e sound in the middle of Amelia, and I smiled each time I heard it.
And then there was the bacon…Reacquainting myself with Australian bacon was a source of daily delight! As you may know, bacon is prepared differently around the world, and Aussie bacon is more substantial than its American cousin. More bacon!!
While it was lovely to land in Australia and immediately feel comfortable, I realized there was something else worrying me…
Knowing that my friend’s wedding would feel a bit like a high school reunion, there was also simmering social anxiety reminiscent of 6th grade, namely: will the people I haven’t seen in 25+ years even remember me?!
Ironically, on trips home in my 20s, my most fervent desire was for everyone to notice the profound changes I felt I had undergone by living, working, and traveling overseas. I desperately wanted to be appreciated as a sophisticated citizen of the world and would have been thrilled if I hadn’t been recognized: I mean, I had replaced my brightly colored clothing, appropriate to humid, subtropical Brisbane where I grew up, with a wardrobe of all black. I was clearly a different, much superior, person.
Now, decades later, and a year from turning 50, I hoped to be welcomed warmly but would have settled for vague recognition and polite conversation. I dreaded being snubbed. I felt guilty for not keeping up with other people’s lives and fretted that I would be punished for not staying in touch and visiting more frequently.
At the cocktail party the night before the wedding, my palms sweated and my jaw tightened as I spotted faces I hadn’t seen in decades and braced for awkwardness.
I shouldn’t have worried: many of the Aussie locals, busy with work and families, had not seen each other in years, and reconnecting felt wonderful and particularly poignant. Whether the perspective gained in middle age allows a level of honesty that wasn’t as easy to access when we were young and intent on proving ourselves, or if it’s an after-effect of living through a pandemic, everyone I talked to was comfortable and open with who they are - even those in the midst of difficulties.
This brings me to the one fear that did come true…
Leaving Australia, after spending days in the company of friends I’ve known and loved since we were 12, was very hard.
I feel incredibly lucky that I befriended girls whom I admired and wanted to emulate who have now become women I deeply respect – and who also happen to be fun, accomplished, stylish, and beautiful! During our teens and early twenties, Caro, Georgia, Jack, and I were inseparable, and each one of them (and their families) played a crucial role in helping me move on from my troubled and chaotic family. Their support imbued me with the confidence to create a life of my own. But since then, we’ve all lived apart.
While there have been bumps along the way: disagreements and misunderstandings and times when our lives felt out of sync; I count as one of the greatest achievements of my life the fact that we’ve stayed in touch and remained close, and it was astonishing and deeply meaningful to hear that those friendships inspired others, too.
At the wedding, Cameron, an old friend from my high school and Uni years, confided that he sent his daughter to the high school my friends and I attended because he wanted her to have relationships like ours. His daughter is nearing graduation, and seeing photos of her wearing the same school uniform we did is so moving that whenever I think about it (including now!) tears fill my eyes. It makes me ache a little for the life I could have had if I had remained in Australia and raised my family there.
Aussie Recommendations For You!
An Extraordinary Resort
We were lucky enough to spend a few nights at Bedarra, a “barefoot luxury” island resort off the coast of Mission Beach in Far North Queensland – if you ever have a chance to go, do it! Some highlights: the most attentive, friendly, accomplished service I have experienced anywhere in the world; a day trip boating around deserted islands complete with a gourmet picnic; nightly cocktails with the staff and guests (no more than 26 adults are accommodated); and delicious, inventive, seasonal meals, with cocktails to match.
Aussie Pub Classics
I couldn’t quite believe my ears, but every time I was in a bar in Australia, I found myself singing along to old pop and rock classics that I hadn’t heard in years. When I remarked upon this to a friend, she explained that it’s a well-known fact that Aussie bars only play favorites from 25-30 years ago; and that Spotify has a large selection of “Aussie Pub Mix” playlists.
If you’d like to acquaint - or reacquaint - yourself with Aussie greats like Cold Chisel, AC/DC, Gang Gajang, and INXS, here are some options:
Bath Products & Teapots
I loved the tangy, citrusy, clean scent of these new-to-me hand soaps and bath products from Grown Alchemist, an all-Australian organic skincare company.
In Australia, drinking tea is so common that, to my great delight, every hotel room comes equipped with an electric kettle so that you may make your own. In most restaurants, tea is served in teapots, and I fell in love with the gorgeous colorful designs of the T2 brand.
This Idea For Creating Meaningful Memories
Recently, many of my Aussie friends have taken what they call “walking trips” with other women in scenic parts of the country. With a milestone birthday coming up next year, I want to celebrate in a way that will allow me to spend meaningful time with friends, and I love the idea of a trip that involves walking (and talking) somewhere beautiful during the day, then cozying up for yummy dinners (and more talking) in the evening.
Two Comedies
I allayed my homesickness during my first week back by binge-watching the first season of Fisk on Netflix. It’s a workplace comedy, with The Office vibes, and follows Helen, a newly divorced, socially awkward but lovable lawyer who takes a job at a suburban wills and estates law firm run by a delightfully dysfunctional brother and sister.
While in Australia, I became obsessed with Colin From Accounts, a laugh-out-loud show that begins with an unlikely meet-cute: when a dog is hit by a car because the male driver is distracted by an attractive woman crossing the road, the two end up sharing responsibility for the treatment and care of the consequently “disabled” dog. Written by the lead actors, also a couple in real life, fans of Catastrophe and Fleabag are guaranteed to love this. The only problem: I haven’t yet been able to figure out how to watch it in the US. If you have, let me know!
I was bitten on my big toe. It was heinously painful but I was cured following a night in hospital receiving shots of antivenom.
Any tips for such super long flights?