How to Win the Screen Time War

and family game night, too!

Some of my most treasured family memories are of times when the four of us were focused on a joint activity and mutually aligned in mood: from a joyful singalong during a long car ride, to irritation on an ill-chosen hiking trail, frustration enduring an airport delay, or blissful relaxation on a beach; being fully engaged as a group feels like peak family time.

But, as we all know, screens (except for the rare crowd-pleasing TV show or movie) are the enemy of this type of connection. To be clear, I don’t believe screens are all bad: while social media and video games are terrible at bringing people together physically, they are heroically effective at alleviating boredom and providing each user with a tailor-made experience. And when it comes to families, screens can be a sanity-saver, minimizing sibling spats, and occupying kids when adults are busy with other things.  

Even so, the constant stream of stimulation emanating from screens is addictive, and when each member of our family is sequestered in a different room of the house, absorbed by a glowing device, guilty thoughts often buzz in the back of my mind, urging me to gather the gang to do something together.

Ideal me wants to act but realistic me knows what a daily struggle it is to enforce our “no screens while eating” rule - for myself, as well as the rest of the family.

And so, when I received a question from an exasperated reader about this very issue – specifically related to playing board games as a family – it was exactly the motivation I needed to go in search of answers to this modern-day problem…

Francesca wrote, “I buy all these newly created games loaded with adventure and nice art and humor and gosh knows what else for my family. The thing is, we never get around to playing them. They either take too long to learn, or too long to teach. Or by the time we have time, we are too tired to play. Or we forget to play them, and somehow something supposedly fun becomes a drag and I feel sad looking at all the nice games that sit unused in heaps all over my house. And we all just end up on our screens. So Happy Scribbles, what are we to do? When we do play, for the most part, we have fun! Help!” 

Francesca’s question reminded me how fun (and oddly rewarding) it feels to be outsmarted by my children - and of the delightfully maddening experience of being outbluffed by the man I’ve been married to for nearly 20 years.

And while a regular family game night would be lovely but seems out of reach, at least for our family, a few things that have worked for us over the years, have included:

• Take advantage of the moment. My antsy son hates all the waiting that happens at restaurants, so to ease his impatience after we’ve ordered our meals, we play very simple card games, like BS. To make this happen, we keep a deck of cards or two in the mudroom so they’re easy to grab on our way out the door.  

• We let the kids lead (and win). Our kids have picked up new games at various summer camps they’ve attended, and relish being experts at something their parents don’t understand. They also revel in making up arcane rules that always benefit the rule-maker…

• Make it an event. On our annual summer family trip, my mother-in-law often organizes a multi-generational poker night, complete with real poker chips, sunglasses, and hats to aid in bluffing. We’re a competitive bunch and it’s always a highlight of the vacation because it provides an activity to complement our evening routine of gathering for cocktails and dinner.

• Remove barriers. My son loves to play chess, and we have a board (with timer!) permanently set up on a table in our basement, so there’s never an impediment to playing a quick game.

• Keep it simple. We tend to opt for simple games that we already all know how to play, like Heads Up, Jenga, the aforementioned BS, and Cornhole in the summer. Call me basic, but I delight in building a wobbly Jenga tower and then watching it crash…

Aware I’m not a board game aficionado, and wanting truly expert advice for Francesca, I decided to call in the big guns.

Enter author, Catherine Newman, whose family board game credentials are impeccable and slightly intimidating: she keeps a coffee table covered in white paper and stocked with pens, ready to be doodled on or used to keep score during epic games; she’s written a helpful review of games that are fun to play with kids; and cementing her grand-master status, she’s detailed how to make a homemade game in her wonderful newsletter, Crone Sandwich!

When she’s not playing board games, Catherine writes hilarious, poignant, and helpful books for adults and kids - I am currently reading We All Want Impossible Things, and her latest novel, Sandwich, which Ann Patchett called “joy in book form,” will come out in June and can be pre-ordered now.

Catherine had many wise tips, beginning with:

• Build a gaming habit with games you can learn and play relatively quickly. Games in this category: Qwixx, Sushi Go, and Rummikub. Azul and Splendor are kind of the next level beyond this. A little harder to learn, but still relatively quick to play.

• If you live near a board game place - either a cafe or store that lets you play games, you can play there, which turns the whole thing into an inspiring outing, and also you can test games before you buy them and (maybe) get tips on how to play.

• Invite friends over who know how to play the games you're interested in learning. Watch a video tutorial about how to play the game.

• Make sure that nobody is on their phone or otherwise distracted while you're either learning or playing because it's such a drag to play with people who aren't really *in it.*

• And if none of that works? Maybe you're not really into that type of game! There are other less intense kinds of games, like Anomia and Telestrations that are fun to play and easy to learn.”

Finally, and my favorite piece of advice of Catherine’s,

There is absolutely zero moral obligation to play difficult European board games. Although, oh man, if nobody else will play Ticket to Ride with you I will! It's my favorite.

Thank you so much, Catherine!

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🎤 Your turn! I’d love to know, and I’m sure Francesca would too: what tips do you have for getting everyone off screens and around a board (or other) game? Or simply off devices to connect with each other?

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💌 Thank you so much for reading, and see you next week! xo Amelia

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