The idea of a "mentor mom" made me weepy - I would have loved (would still love?!) someone to guide me through those early years, with just enough distance to provide authentic commiseration and wisdom at once. What a gift!
And I loved how a reader inspired and collaborated with you on this post. Such a lovely and organic way to nurture your community here.
This was a pleasure to read Amelia. I have two school-aged kids and like you, I do not miss the toddler years! I do not miss being screamed at repeatedly! (still happens, but much less frequently). My youngest is four and now that he's past toddlerhood, I so enjoy him being able to communicate with me and seeing his creativity.
Family = small business, I find this to be so true. It's a whole other ballgame of scheduling, feeding, doing tasks. Glad you named how I felt.
One thing I've noticed about where I am in my parenting journey is how much I need to be mindful and present. Sometimes there can be so many distractions, whether internal or external, but when I remain focused for my kids, I feel like we connect better.
Thank you for reading, Istiaq! The toddler tantrums were very distressing for me, and I did not feel I handled them well. It was such a relief for that phase to end. I was promised that "big kids equaled bigger problems," and while that's true to an extent, I love having older kids with more developed personalities, critical thinking skills, and strong arms to help with groceries! I've often found myself thinking there should be courses on family-management for couples starting out--there's a cultural assumption that we will just naturally know how to raise kids and run a home, and I didn't find it natural at all!
One thing that jumps out to me as an American Mom living abroad (in Italy) is your point about not taking young kids to nice restaurants. This is something I usually abide by in the US, but in Italian culture, kids are welcome anywhere and everyone else expects kids to be kids (I’ve had friends even bring their young kids to a bar late at night and no one batted an eye, as bedtimes are much more flexible than in the US and the divisions between “adult” and “children’s” spaces are much more blurry.
yes! it is different in different countries, and has so much to do with the expectations of the other diners and restaurant staff! if everyone is OK with wriggly kids, it's so much more relaxed and easy!
I loved this Amelia. I find I am still learning so much , at 78, from my children and grandchildren about being the best mom /grandmother and mother-in-law I can be for them . Thank you .
You are an inspiration, Susie! I love the way you and Bud are always curious and interested in learning! Plus, you have four wonderful boys and four great grandkids! ❤️
My kids are 11 and 8 and one way to help quell motherhood anxiety about not messing up is realizing that when we, as mothers, make mistakes, it gives us an opportunity to show our kids that mistakes are ok. I try to apologize to my kids when I have an unregulated outburst which is good for them to see that I am human and despite trying hard, Im not perfect!
Yes yes yes and amen. My children are now 33 and 31 (how did THAT happen???) and all of this resonates with me. My only regret from the early years is that I thought as a stay at home mom (during the "mommy wars" of the early 90s) that I had to do that 100%. I think we all could have benefited from a little childcare here and there.
Also, while my children don't remember what they ate, what they wore, etc. they do carry with them the emotional tenor of those early years and if simpler meals, a less tidy house, etc. means a happier mom, go for it!
Final thought- don't believe all the PR about the early years being the BEST years. They are all best- some more challenging than others (I'm looking at you, late teens!), but all intensely interesting, engaging, and wonderful to be alongside our kids at every age. Having adult children is wonderful!
I'm loving the experience of having kids that are at my eye level and so great to have intellectual discussions with. My regrets are like yours - but motherhood has gotten better and better for me so it's all worth it and working out in the end!
The idea of a "mentor mom" made me weepy - I would have loved (would still love?!) someone to guide me through those early years, with just enough distance to provide authentic commiseration and wisdom at once. What a gift!
And I loved how a reader inspired and collaborated with you on this post. Such a lovely and organic way to nurture your community here.
Thank you for reading, Christy! I think the idea of a mentor mom is appealing at every stage! I'm currently soliciting advice on the college years! 😉
GREAT point. The hunt begins ;)
This was a pleasure to read Amelia. I have two school-aged kids and like you, I do not miss the toddler years! I do not miss being screamed at repeatedly! (still happens, but much less frequently). My youngest is four and now that he's past toddlerhood, I so enjoy him being able to communicate with me and seeing his creativity.
Family = small business, I find this to be so true. It's a whole other ballgame of scheduling, feeding, doing tasks. Glad you named how I felt.
One thing I've noticed about where I am in my parenting journey is how much I need to be mindful and present. Sometimes there can be so many distractions, whether internal or external, but when I remain focused for my kids, I feel like we connect better.
Thank you for reading, Istiaq! The toddler tantrums were very distressing for me, and I did not feel I handled them well. It was such a relief for that phase to end. I was promised that "big kids equaled bigger problems," and while that's true to an extent, I love having older kids with more developed personalities, critical thinking skills, and strong arms to help with groceries! I've often found myself thinking there should be courses on family-management for couples starting out--there's a cultural assumption that we will just naturally know how to raise kids and run a home, and I didn't find it natural at all!
Oh my goodness and guess what, I just ordered some Nuxe neroli scented oil, too 🙊 (in the green glass spray bottle!!! Dreamy!! 💚)
yum!!!
💗 this!!! Unconditional love, unconditional love, unconditional love. This. (And the Gretchen Rubin thing. 💯) 😭
so simple yet sometimes so hard to remember!
Oh yes!!! 💗
I loved all of this, thanks for sharing!
One thing that jumps out to me as an American Mom living abroad (in Italy) is your point about not taking young kids to nice restaurants. This is something I usually abide by in the US, but in Italian culture, kids are welcome anywhere and everyone else expects kids to be kids (I’ve had friends even bring their young kids to a bar late at night and no one batted an eye, as bedtimes are much more flexible than in the US and the divisions between “adult” and “children’s” spaces are much more blurry.
yes! it is different in different countries, and has so much to do with the expectations of the other diners and restaurant staff! if everyone is OK with wriggly kids, it's so much more relaxed and easy!
Love these tips and experiences and recommendations as a mom of a 5 year old
I am so glad it’s helpful!
So great! Thank you for your thoughtfulness and candor, as always :)
Thank you for reading Jojo!
I loved this Amelia. I find I am still learning so much , at 78, from my children and grandchildren about being the best mom /grandmother and mother-in-law I can be for them . Thank you .
You are an inspiration, Susie! I love the way you and Bud are always curious and interested in learning! Plus, you have four wonderful boys and four great grandkids! ❤️
I want to be a mom mentor! 🤓
I can't think of a better person to be a mentor mom! ❤️
Lovely, Amelia!
Thank you my friend!
I have 2 teens and I agree with literally every word of this!
Thank you Natasha!
My kids are 11 and 8 and one way to help quell motherhood anxiety about not messing up is realizing that when we, as mothers, make mistakes, it gives us an opportunity to show our kids that mistakes are ok. I try to apologize to my kids when I have an unregulated outburst which is good for them to see that I am human and despite trying hard, Im not perfect!
Oh, I love the way you put it Elizabeth - it's so healthy for them to see we're humans working hard!
Yes yes yes and amen. My children are now 33 and 31 (how did THAT happen???) and all of this resonates with me. My only regret from the early years is that I thought as a stay at home mom (during the "mommy wars" of the early 90s) that I had to do that 100%. I think we all could have benefited from a little childcare here and there.
Also, while my children don't remember what they ate, what they wore, etc. they do carry with them the emotional tenor of those early years and if simpler meals, a less tidy house, etc. means a happier mom, go for it!
Final thought- don't believe all the PR about the early years being the BEST years. They are all best- some more challenging than others (I'm looking at you, late teens!), but all intensely interesting, engaging, and wonderful to be alongside our kids at every age. Having adult children is wonderful!
I'm loving the experience of having kids that are at my eye level and so great to have intellectual discussions with. My regrets are like yours - but motherhood has gotten better and better for me so it's all worth it and working out in the end!
I *love* a parent that can apologize to their kid. That is something that's really important to me in my own parenting.
Thank you. It's hard to do but transformative. ❤️
This was really helpful as a mom of young kids. Thank you for sharing.
I am so glad to hear that. ❤️
I loved every second of this <3
Thank you for reading! That was fast! I also recorded myself reading it out-interested to see if that's helpful for people!