The # 1 Trick for Happier Family Travel
it's a game-changer!
As the weather warms and the school year winds down, my mind is thousands of miles away—on the shores of southern Sicily…
In just a few weeks, our family of four will trade routine for ricotta, setting up camp in a charming seaside village known for great food and good weather. We’ll explore coastal towns at a pace dictated by teenage circadian rhythms, feast on seafood and gelato, tour iconic sights, and spend a day boating on the turquoise Ionian Sea.
Of course, traveling with kids isn’t all postcard moments. Between jet lag, missed connections, tummy woes, and sibling squabbles, there are plenty of opportunities for stress.
And so, before we leave, my husband, Jim, and I will do something we’ve learned is essential to harmonious family travel: we schedule a meeting to discuss practical issues and our emotional expectations for the trip.
We call this a check-in, and it’s made our travel experiences (especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas when tensions can simmer and explode!) so much better that I mentally divide our trips into BC (before check-ins) and AC (after check-ins).
BC trips were often tense and unsatisfying, but AC, everything—especially complicated family dynamics—feels more manageable.
Here’s how we do it:
Approximately one week before every trip, whether it’s with our immediate family, a group of friends, or extended family, Jim and I set aside 20 to 30 minutes to discuss practical responsibilities, including who’s packing for whom, who’s handling last-minute logistics, as well as the overall trip schedule.
Most crucially, we discuss our feelings. This is the most important part of the check-in.
While logistical details can be handled via email or text, we’ve learned that discussing our hopes and feelings surrounding an upcoming trip is crucial to ensuring our happiness while traveling.
A couple’s therapist suggested this as a solution to the conflict Jim and I developed during our annual summer vacations with his extended family when our children were small. The therapist helped us understand that our expectations were in direct conflict: we both wanted to relax and take a complete break from housekeeping and childcare, which led to competitiveness over how we spent our time (“If you play golf all day, when do I get to relax?”) and pent-up resentment.
Check-ins provide a forum to discuss our worries and expectations, and brainstorm ways to share our parenting responsibilities before things escalate. As a couple, sharing our feelings before trips—whether traveling with our family of four, or larger groups—has helped us become more understanding and supportive of each other.
During the pre-trip check-in, we always discuss how often we’ll check in with each other while we’re away. Most often, we pick a day in the middle of the trip, but when one or both of us has felt particularly fragile, we’ve agreed on daily check-ins.
These brief chats essentially involve asking each other: “How are you feeling?” Then, we exchange notes on anything bothering us and voice specific needs.
Now that our kids are teenagers, we have a family conversation/negotiation (typically in a car when we have them captive!) about screen time, bedtime, and other things, like how often we’ll be eating out (my son hates restaurants) and, when we’ll be with larger groups, our expectations around manners, talking politely to older relatives, and helping clear the table and do the dishes.
I always ask the kids what they’re most looking forward to on each particular trip—and if there’s anything they’re anxious about—and tell them how Jim and I are both feeling and are hoping things will go, so that as a family, we have a mutual understanding.
Check-ins have made a huge difference to our enjoyment of travel as a family—I hope this advice is helpful for you, too! I’d love to know what you think and what your strategies are for stress-free family travel!
Some other ideas: cocktail napkins, key chains, stickers, water bottles, or socks! Let me know your thoughts in the comments…
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Love this. My husband and I actually do this on Friday nights now once the kids are in bed! We run through our week, the next week, and how we're feeling about everything, then we watch TV. It always feels so good to do
Merch!