A Genius Hack That Makes Entertaining Easier
how to calm nerves and deepen friendships, plus intriguing new shows, and a fantastic deal on a reader favorite!
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I love hosting people in my home, but I’m a house-proud, part-time perfectionist who suffers from “party panic” (the technical term).
Which, unfortunately, makes me an expert at talking myself out of inviting people over.
When I contemplate entertaining, two personas battle inside my mind: the carefree me who loves getting up to mischief and laughing about it with friends for years afterward, versus the self-conscious, rule-follower who worries about being judged for my decor, cooking, and personality.
But my biggest, most paralyzing worry? That no one will show up.
In the hour before guests arrive, stomach-churning dread inevitably sets in: a young, vulnerable part of me, convinced that the whole thing was a terrible mistake, that no one’s coming, and that my true, unlikable nature is about to be shamefully exposed, wants to curl up in bed with chocolate and cancel the whole thing.
In my twenties, I dealt with this by drinking a lot before guests arrived. It worked, in the sense that my anxiety disappeared. But so did my good judgment—so, ahem, it was not ideal.
Since then, I’ve gotten better at dealing with my emotions, but my party panic endured…until last year, when a friend told me about her genius strategy.
Here’s her super-simple trick for combating the specific fear that no one will show up: when a close friend asks what they can bring to your next event, ask them to come early!
Tell them exactly when you’d like them to arrive, assure them that’s the only thing you need (no bottle of wine, flowers, or side dish!), and most importantly, tell them why.
Simply explain that it calms your nerves to have a good friend nearby because you get anxious in the last few minutes before your guests arrive. Tell her it matters to you and how much you’ll appreciate it.
It works on two levels: it calms your nerves, and, because asking for help is its own kind of vulnerability, it almost always deepens those friendships, too.
📺WATCH. I loved the season finale of mysterious, hilarious Widow’s Bay, and am thrilled it will be back for second season! I’m also watching Not Suitable for Work, Mindy Kaling’s latest office sitcom, which is making me feel (slightly!) young again! I’ve been enjoying Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, which is a nail-biting thriller, and I loved Rafa, the poignant, revealing 4-part Netflix series about tennis legend Rafael Nadal’s experiences with injury, pain, and mental health struggles. Two new shows on my radar: A Woman of Substance, a hit series in the UK about a self-made business mogul, and Wild Cherry, another British show - this one a thriller set in a wealthy gated community…
📚READ. After spending all year reading cozy books, I’ve taken a detour into mystery/thrillers, and am immersed in Tana French’s bestselling Cal Hooper novels. Set in the Irish countryside, Cal is a retired Chicago detective who can’t help but find himself embroiled in local drama. There are 3 novels in the series: The Searcher, The Hunter, and just-released, The Keeper.
For more ideas, check out last week’s bonanza of book recs, plus 22 books set by the sea might finally be my sign to read Circe!
🛍️SHOP. Happy on Purpose reader favorite, Revision Skincare Intellishade anti-aging tinted moisturizer with SPF 45, is heavily discounted on Amazon for Prime Day: I wear it year-round because its genius formula adapts to your skin tone!
🤣For the Emma M. Lion fans: Charles Goddard, her “unintended intended” out looking everywhere for her!
15 coastal grandma hobbies that’ll have you feeling like Nancy Meyers herself. One of my ongoing goals is to feel like I’m living in a Nancy Meyers movie!
19 of the best summer dresses! For a pulled-together look for every summer activity, from tennis or pickleball to running errands and leisurely dinners.
🤣Marriage is…
8 Colors That Always Look Stunning on Short Nails, According to Manicurists. For those of us who have trouble growing and maintaining long nails!
A very warm welcome to this week’s new subscribers who found Happy on Purpose via NPR’s Morning Edition: as a tennis fan and player, it was a dream come true to talk about how tennis has enhanced my life! If you’re also into tennis, this Friday’s issue of Tennisette will feature essential reads, plus what to pack for a stylish summer getaway. Click here to subscribe for free!
🎉This month’s giveaway winner is Melinda R. She gets to choose a book bundle of either 5 paperbacks or 3 hardcovers of her choice! Paid subscribers are automatically entered to win every month.
Have a wonderful week and weekend! Coming up: micro habits, affordable luxuries, and the unexpected things I love about being in my 50s…
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I love this! It's always nice to have music on and friends around before anything starts!
Cal! You'll love that series!