Ferris Bueller, Midlife Happiness Guru
Ferris Bueller, Midlife Happiness Guru
timeless wisdom from the iconic high school slacker...
Since turning 50, I’ve been approaching my resolution to have more joy-inducing, non-productive, full fat fun, with a new mantra: What Would Ferris Do?
Ferris, as in Bueller, of “Day Off” fame.
Yes, Ferris, the quintessential high school slacker, is my midlife happiness guru.
Allow me to explain…
1. Ferris knew the key to happiness.
While still a senior in high school, Ferris grasped something that takes many of us a lifetime to learn. Research backs this up: for a joyful life, prioritize spending time with people you love, doing things you truly enjoy.
Ferris chooses his girlfriend, Sloane, and best friend, Cameron, to share his excellent adventure. Their day off is filled with unique experiences, from cheering on the Chicago Cubs to performing in a street parade, dining in the fanciest restaurant in Chicago, and driving a Ferrari. They do not go shopping and buy a bunch of stuff they don't need.
My ideal “day off” is not so different—except for the lying and car-stealing! I’m at my happiest when surrounded by my favorite friends or family members, in a relaxed setting, with a fun activity (ideally outdoors, depending on the season) plus plenty of time for chatting. And excellent food, of course.
When unique opportunities crop up in the middle of the week, or friends come to town and want to get together, I now ask myself WWFD? and prioritize fun instead of work and routine.
2. Ferris knew the power of a strategic day off.
Ferris wanted to graduate from high school and remain in his parents’ good graces; hence, he took one day off, not a week.
Finding the right balance between responsibilities to others and our well-being is tricky, especially in midlife, when we’re sandwiched between caring for aging parents and school-aged children, all while navigating busy careers.
One grown-up version of Ferris’s day off is an Artist Date, which author Julia Cameron describes in The Artist’s Way as “a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you. The Artist Date need not be overtly “artistic”– think mischief more than mastery.” Cameron recommends spending an hour or two on an Artist Date, making it an efficient, weekly version of a “day off.”
Some of my fondest memories are the “day-dates” my husband and I have taken to celebrate our wedding anniversary. Instead of the standard anniversary dinner at a restaurant, we’ve taken a weekday afternoon off work to enjoy a leisurely lunch, wander around a museum or park, do some shopping, and indulge in a decadent early dinner.
3. Ferris knew that fun requires planning.
Instead of lazing around in bed on his day off, Ferris orchestrated and planned a schedule brimming with intentional adventures. And while we don’t know when he came up with the idea, I’m willing to bet Ferris was gleefully anticipating his day off for some time.
Amid a busy life, if I don’t plan to get together with my favorite people, it doesn’t happen.
My strategy for ensuring we stay connected is through planning recurring activities in advance, from annual family trips to weekly or monthly lunch or coffee dates, regular exercise classes, and walks with friends. Not only is this a scheduling hack, but studies have suggested that we get more happiness from anticipating experiential purchases than material goods, so having a fun activity planned in advance boosts joy.
I’m currently gleefully anticipating a special two-night sleepover with friends to celebrate a birthday, and while we’re together, I plan to confirm a date for our next get-together to keep the good vibes going.
4. Ferris knew that life is short and not to be wasted.
In The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, a bestselling memoir by a palliative care nurse, the author detailed the five common themes that emerged as dying people looked back on their lives, which included, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard” and, poignantly, “I wish I had let myself be happier.”
As Oliver Burkeman succinctly states in Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, “The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short.” As per the book's title, we each have around 4,000 weeks.
When I have a choice between fun vs. unnecessary shoulds, I’m reminding myself to ask WWFD? and prioritize the people, places, and activities that bring me joy, whether it’s for a few hours, an entire day, or a vacation.
I’m curious! When was the last time you channeled your inner Ferris and put fun first?! What would you do on your ideal “day off?”
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Last week’s issue on being a good mother vs. a “should” mother generated many wonderful comments, including these wise words:
wrote, “My good mother list includes sitting down to read, knit, sew, or write, in front of them everyday! Mom is a person too & I want them to see that their enjoyment & creativity has value!”
Marissa agreed, saying, “I'd also add demonstrate having interests and passions outside of just my children and family. My parents always had other things going on, and, in retrospect, I think it was really good for us! Vs. others I have heard feeling so much pressure to be the one source of happiness and purpose in their parents lives.”
says, “My #1 rule is: I'm the most important person in my life, in order to serve you as the most important in yours, for your first decade and beyond. Being the healthiest I can, prioritizing my mental health, having a good relationship with my partner will enable me to be the best mom I can be.”
wrote, “I am big on traditions and memories and make sure they have family traditions ( usually unconventional) that they can look back on and look forward to each year!
Finally, Nina, whose children are in college, said, “I always say the big shift happens when you stop doing things FOR your children, and start doing things WITH your children. My kids are in college--it just gets better and better.”
Looking for a book or TV show?
My November recommendations include two marriage-themed pieces: a fascinating conversation with married restaurateurs Christina Tosi and Will Guidara, and a heartwarming and wise list of relationship do’s and don’ts in honor of
’s 22nd wedding anniversary. I haven’t seen the new Martha Stewart documentary yet, but am hearing a lot of goodish things about it (a frequent comment is “she’s so mean!”), and I’m intrigued!
Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next Friday! xo Amelia
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As a Chicagoan, I have a special place in my heart for this movie! This past summer it was shown at the city’s biggest downtown park and I went with some friends. During the Twist and Shout scene, the entire audience got up and danced. It was so fun! I’m a meticulous planner sometimes to a fault, and I DO plan strategic days off, but it reminded me that I need to leave room for spontaneity.
I am visiting my parents right now and I have the chance to go out tonight with a dear friend who I rarely get to see. I was feeling guilty about it because I know I have a limited time left with my parents and I felt like I should stay home with them … but thinking WWFD made me feel better! This evening out with my friend will be a special memory, whereas staying home for dinner would be one of many similar dinners that will not stick in my mind. Just because my parents are getting older doesn’t mean I have to hoard every moment with them.