Welcome to the Adulting Awards
the Super Bowl of everyday accomplishments!
“I just hope I remembered to mention all my accomplishments,” my 14-year-old son, Teddy, said anxiously as we drove away from the high school where he’d just interviewed.
“What do you mean?” I asked as I turned around to face him.
“Oh, you know. All the things I’ve achieved so far—my awards and stuff. I hope I didn’t forget something.”
My husband, Jim, and I exchanged bemused looks in the front seat.
Teddy has amassed an impressive collection of trophies and certificates from sports, summer camp, and competitions at school that he displays proudly on a bookshelf in his bedroom.
Later, when we were alone, Jim and I marveled at how comfortable Teddy feels talking about his achievements and how healthy it is that he’s proud of his hard work. As GenXers, we were brought up in the days when humility was prized, and “bragging” was a dirty word. When I was a kid, I cherished the trophies I’d won at sports and music competitions, but I kept them carefully hidden inside my closet. I never talked about them because I understood that good girls were modest, not boastful.
Weeks later, as I filled out the “spotlight achievement” section of Teddy’s high school applications, detailing his various accomplishments, I was overcome with an unexpected and uncomfortable feeling…
I was jealous!
What on earth was I envious of? I wondered. Surely, I was proud of my son and his achievements?
**
I guiltily pondered this for days until I stumbled upon the answer in an unexpected place: Crazy Salad, a collection of Nora Ephron’s essays, including “Chaos at the Bake-Off,” a 1973 essay about the Pillsbury Bake-Off, a storied competition for amateur cooks featuring Pillsbury products.
“What is interesting about the Bake-Off—what is even significant about the event—is that it is, for the American housewife…The pinnacle of a certain kind of achievement…To win the Pillsbury Bake-Off, even to be merely a finalist in it, is to be a great housewife,” Ephron wrote.
While she pokes fun at the competitors and their obsession with winning the ultimate prize, Ephron exposes an underlying truth: the housewives were motivated by the public recognition of their work that came with winning the Bake-Off, something they had very little of in their daily lives.
Aha! I realized: I’d like a trophy or two to commemorate the hard work (and achievements) of adulting!
As a grown-up, I have amassed a tiny collection of awards from long-ago work projects and the occasional tennis tournament, but what I’d really treasure is a set of trophies for participating in the insanely complicated endurance event that is “adulting:” the lifelong effort to be good at our jobs, maintain our most important relationships, take care of our health (and of our family members), be engaged and productive citizens, manage our finances; and especially parenting, which is a full-time, 24/7 occupation.
Of course, the work of adulthood and parenting is not a competition and comes with its own inherent and joyful rewards. But the truth is, much of it—doing millions of loads of laundry, making thousands of school lunches, commuting to work, cleaning the toilets, filing taxes, SO MUCH SCHEDULING, and answering endless emails—is repetitive and draining.
It all adds up to a lot of effort, time, and care with minimal fanfare.
Over the years, when life has felt particularly grueling, I’ve often bought things, like a new dress, handbag, or shoes, to cheer myself up. But it would be more meaningful (and less expensive) to take the opposite approach: naming the difficult work and celebrating the effort involved with something solid to serve as a reminder of how hard I’ve worked and how much I’ve achieved.
Novelist Emma Straub happens to agree. She is a connoisseur of the everyday trophy, “I make trophies for my children, for my husband, for my friends. I really only need the slightest excuse. Who doesn’t want a trophy?” she says.
Straub bestows hilariously specific awards, like “Bug Expert/Cheese Enthusiast” and “Best Friend as Relates to Helping Other Friends Record Podcasts and Other Such Activity.”
**
One of the scary and exhilarating truths of adulthood is that we find ourselves entirely in charge of our lives, and it follows, also in charge of ordering the trophies!
Inspired by
, I began thinking about what I’d like a trophy for—and who I’d like to give a trophy to…I crave recognition for doing things I find hard, even if they’re not particularly notable to others. I want to award myself a very large trophy for the approximately 6,500 dinners I’ve planned, grocery-shopped-for, and prepared over the past 18 years. I would have loved one for the hard-won achievements of potty training each of my children (they were stubborn!). A shiny cup would have been a welcome reward for parenting through the dreaded preschool “phase-in” and the chaos of middle school girl friendship drama…
Jim should receive a trophy for the approximately 13,000 times he’s loaded or unloaded the dishwasher and the countless hours he spent on the floor playing with our kids, and I’m nominating us both for a joint lifetime achievement award for all the flights we’ve navigated with tired, hungry, and cranky children.
**
But the very first trophy I’ve ordered for myself is work-related. As someone who works alone, milestones and achievements typically go un-celebrated. I may text a couple of close friends when something exciting happens, but I’ve never thought to properly commemorate my hard work and the wins I’m most proud of.
And so, to honor the recent name change of this newsletter (which involved hundreds of options and a year of discussion!!), I ordered myself a trophy: it’s in the shape of a cheerleader, with a caption that says “Happy on Purpose, January 2025,” and I can’t wait for it to arrive!
With the Super Bowl and Oscars coming up, I’ve been thinking about how part of the magic of those events is in the public joy and celebration as millions of people tune in to cheer for their favorites.
So, let’s create our own Adulting Awards Ceremony in the Comments!
Consider this your permission slip to do some healthy bragging about something amazing and exciting you’re proud of and want to celebrate—or nominate someone else for their wonderful and inspiring achievement. Even if it’s simply for surviving January 2025…
For fun, I’ll randomly select three people to win custom trophies!
To kick things off, I’d like to nominate my friend Simone for her exceptional grace, patience, and hard work in parenting her three girls through an array of serious health and emotional challenges over the past several years…
The Secrets of Happy Families. The five most important lessons from my difficult childhood.
How to Find Magic in Mundane Moments. Life coach and podcaster Paige Nolan shares her genius strategy for turning the everyday bustle of family life into a meditation, plus how she finds joy at the grocery store!
What To Expect When Starting a Family. Practical family planning…
Looking for something good to read or watch?
📺 My February recommendations include the baby-faced lawyer I’m a tiny bit in love with, a deeply personal essay about marriage, and everything I’m watching, listening to, and reading right now.
💌 Thank you so much for reading: I’d like to give every one of you a trophy! See you next week! xo Amelia
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Love this!! We all show up, rain or shine, to hold our little corners of the world's together day in and day out with little mention--I am inspired by your idea and I am going to put it into action by doing something I have been meaning to do forever, but rarely end up doing...I am going to start TELLING people in my daily life and encounters how grateful I am for what they do...I always think it but never put it into action--family, teachers, friends, neighbors, checkers at the grocery store who I've known for years. I will either tell them face to face, or start writing little notes, or emails or texts!
Thank you for this, Amelia! I’m nominating myself for:
Being a mom to 2 under 2!
But moreso for my efforts to break the generational patterns of my family. I work very, very hard to be a good mother and I’m currently in therapy to continue that work not only for my daughters, but for my own healing.
I’m proud of that. ❤️